| INTEGRITY: It's What You Do When No One's Looking |
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| Written by Deborah Nixon |
| Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:26 |
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I was thinking the other day about how I measure integrity. What does that mean to me? And is it different in my business life than my personal life. I know that most people will say they are the same. They believe that who you are carries into your business life- that there isn’t a clear demarcation between one or the other.
If that’s true, why is it that people can display such different sides to themselves? How can a person I’ve known professionally for years, treated me well and with respect, treat me differently when I one day work with them? I know all about power, risk, tough decisions, and ego which rears its head in a business setting. But I believe that our core values can contend with these situations without surrendering who we really are deep inside. So what do I make of those people who are not like this? It causes me to wonder who is thereal person and what their real measure of integrity is. What about the person who promptly returns your calls and emails when you are ‘of interest’ to them? They need you or you are of significance to them for some reason. You hold the relationship to some business they want; they want a service from you; they hope that you can help them with a challenge which they are facing. They make time to see you. Your emails are replied to quickly. They try to accommodate your schedule for meetings. Then, their need dissipates. You have a reason to connect with them awhile later; maybe you just want to stay in touch. You email- no reply. You leave a message- no returned phone call. Suddenly, you feel as if you don’t exist. Your worth to them is zero and they are making that evident to you. Integrity is about honour and consistency. It’s about what you do when no one is looking. It’s about treating all people with respect and civility; about having manners. Integrity is not noticing one’s status or what somebody can do for you. It’s about treating others as you would want to be treated. Old-fashioned, basic stuff. It’s not that hard. |
| Last Updated on Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:26 |
Integrity is all about moral principles- and yes it can be said that these principles are relative. But then we are getting into the post-modern argument where there are no shared values and morals are as I decide them to be. No community of understanding of expectation and reciprocity.
In my world, integrity is about sincerity of intention. If all I am to somebody is a means to a transaction, then what am I really? So perhaps you would use a different word- but integrity would be the word I would use. Integrity is about being authentic, real, consistent and sincere.
Looking at your examples of lack of integrity using my definition as a filter, you will find that in most cases the individual whose integrity is being questioned, in all fairness, should not be accused of not honouring their word. In other words, in many cases, it is the relying person who is creating an implied "word", one that the person whose integrity is being questioned neither stated nor knowingly implied. Before judging, first assess where you may be cause in the matter. Are you giving meaning to something that is simply your story, and not rooted in reality. Just because someone shows interest in you when you have value to offer them, does not necessarily mean they should continue to have interest when you don't. Even if the person claimed they were your friend and you could rightfully expect them to treat you consistently, and they are out of integrity when they don't call you back, does not necessarily mean that they lack integrity, only that in that instance for whatever reason (couuld be any kind of distraction) their behaviour is out of integrity.
I agree however, that if you share values with another person and they act in a way that is inconsistent with the values they declared, then it would be fair to say they lack integrity. But this only applies if they have actually breached a value that they claim to aspire to, and not one you imagine them to hold.
I always like to remind people that trust is contextual. You cannot generalize about expectations from the same person in different contexts. It is therefore important to distinguish between your business life and your personal life.